I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
