She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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