Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
