After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
