I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
