So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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