Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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