I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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