My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
