headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
