I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
