Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
