he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
