Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
