He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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