We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
