I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize