I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
time to smoke my breakfast
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
