I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so let's talk penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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