I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
