Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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