he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
