Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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