So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
