The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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