I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
