hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
