How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
