Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
