I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I sprained my soul last night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
