I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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