It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
