If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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