You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
