hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
from now on my penis is your penis
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
