She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
