The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
