I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
