Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
