When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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