hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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