I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
