It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
