Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
