My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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