I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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