if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
