butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
