the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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