??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So many bounce houses so little time
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
