dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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