Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
