her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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