I didn't shave. On purpose
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
