so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
