did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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