That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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