Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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