im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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