So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
