I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize